By Lenny C. Lepola firstname.lastname@example.org
February 19, 2014
On Saturday, March 8, members of the Sunbury Lions Club will hold their Annual Soup and Sub Fundraising Dinner at Sunbury Town Hall. Lion Dan Shaw said he’s not certain how many annual bean dinners preceded this year’s explosive event. He said they started doing them when he arrived in town – about a century (and a half … or so) ago.
“Let me refresh your memories, just a bit,” said Shaw, who is never short of words (on any topic – or even if there’s no topic, he’ll explain it anyway). “Way back when we started the Bean Dinner we were going to call it Poor Man’s Dinner. That wouldn’t do because it insulted women, so we tried Poor Folks Dinner. That wouldn’t do either because it might make the Poor People feel bad, so it just ended up being a Bean Dinner.”
Shaw, in his top story telling stride by now, explained that the Lions Bean Dinner has always been “… all the beans you can or care to eat” for a certain price; he said it’s a no holds barred, chow down and fill up until you explode type of affair — literally.
“The only stipulation being that you had to leave Sunbury Town Hall within 30 minutes after consuming the beans, since it has been determined that it takes about that long for said beans to be thoroughly mixed with the contents of the average digestive system and to fit the purpose intended,” Shaw continued. “That intended purpose is to produce a large explosion of odiferous gas that is supposed to make the consumer of the beans feel much better, but certainly doesn’t do anything for the people in his — or her — vicinity.”
All of the above being said (Shaw is taking a breather before continuing), the Lions, in all their wisdom, decided that not everybody in Sunbury liked or cared for beans or their after effects, so a change was called for.
“It only took six discussions, five committee meetings, four mentions on the Lions Website, three emails from the Secretary of the Club, two notices from the President of the Club and one meeting of the Club to come up with changes to the Bean Dinner,” Shaw said. “It will no longer be called Bean Dinner, but Soup and Sub Dinner.”
Shaw said the revamped Bean menu will now consist of beans (Shaw said: “Pure beans with absolutely no Pineapple,” whatever that means) chicken noodle soup, chili, corn bread, and probably hot dogs for the kids, coffee or punch, and submarine “… samiches.”
The subs will be sold separately and are not included in the price of the dinner ticket, and Shaw swears that samiches is the correct spelling if the Sub is made inside the Village of Sunbury.
“As are all Lions’ fundraisers, the profits have to go to a specific charity,” Shaw said just before he ran out of steam. “This fundraiser is no exception and the proceeds will go to the construction of a home in the Big Walnut area for a Disabled War Veteran.”
The Sunbury Lions Club Soup and Sub Dinner will be held from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., Saturday, March 8, in Sunbury Town Hall.
Tickets are $5 each and can be purchased at the door of from any member of the Sunbury Lions Club.
Subs (a.k.a. samiches) by Subway will be sold separately.
“And no smoking or open flames in the vicinity, please,” Shaw said.